Orange County Club Nightclub Bar Review

The latest updates appear in obnoxious yellow.
Last Updated 02.13.2007

Well the best way to know what's hot right now is just to go to the pictures section. If there are pics posted and it looks like your kinda' crowd, then grab your Hurley shirt and your tough-guy bandana and head out the door! But if you can't figure out what you want from the pictures, here's a day-by-day breakdown for ya'. This is by no means a definitive list of every spot in OC and what they've got going on. This is just my impression of some of the better spots. I'm not trying to regurgitate what they tell you on the promotional flyer, I'm here to tell you how it really is at these spots.

Monday:
Nothing. Stay home! Stop drinking so damn much. But if you have to go out.... As of 02.13.2006 -Chronic Cantina over in Triangle Square has a jammin' Monday night S.I.N. sha-bang. I have yet to make it on account of my deep seeded need to do laundry and get caught up on errands on Mondays. Cassidys in Newport will always have a few people even on Mondays. Classic dive bar, cheap drinks, cheap pool, juke box, with the OC twist - random smoking-hot, retardedly-hot, pornstar-hot girls sprinkled in. Not every night, but more often than not. I think we've all fallen in love once or twice at Cassidys. Or head on over to...

Tsunami sushi in HB. It's a great happy hour with really good deals on select sushi and drinks (yeah now who sounds like a "promotional flyer"!) And it's like being at the damn club. The disco ball is spinning and the DJ is destroying some perfectly good vinyl. Everyone in there is 20s and 30s. More hotties then you can shake a stick at. Seriously, like choke-on-your-california-roll-holy-sh*t-look-at-her hotties. I'm not kidding. Playboy should post a talent scout up in there. Great date spot too..... just don't choke on your sushi in front of your date! Sutra in Costa Mesa looks banging on Mondays. I just can't drag myself out to a full-on club on a Monday night, but every time I've driven by there's a line. Update 02.13.2007 - Sutra looks to be slowing down on Monday with people migrating over to Chronic. I think. But what do I know...

Tuesday:
Taco-Tuesday @ El Ranchito in Newport. As of 11.2006, the ranch was DEAD when I went there. They get a big college crowd, so it could have been finals week or something. Approach with caution..... like a wild animal, or a beautiful woman. Good hip-hop, great tacos, hot women. Get there E-A-R-L-Y. 8:00 is not unreasonable. Always a line. ALWAYS. Even when it's not crowded inside. Dead-of-winter 9:00 can be safe.... but not always. In the summer, I've been in line at 7:15pm before. Ranch is hit or miss. There can be great nights, but it's also been a total cock-fest some nights, so consider yourself warned. Here's a tip for you. El Ranchito is pretty much all windows. Swallow your pride and go right up and peer into the windows. Do it! Don't be a wimp. I don't care if people think your weird. If you notice that it's 5 to freakin' 1 guys to girls, then maybe go home and get caught up on laundry instead huh? The staying power of this place is unbelievable. Ranchito was the first photo gallery I ever put up on OCLove in May of 2002 and they're still getting it. If you get to the Ranch early you notice people quietly eating their Tacos in the corner. Watch what happens around midnight when people are drunk and don't care anymore. Grown men, otherwise beautiful women will just be absolutely stuffing their faces with tacos anywhere they can. I don't know what they make these tacos with but damn is it good! I think they put crack in the meat.

The Blue Beet in Newport, right around the corner from the Ranch has a "white trash tuesday" night. All 80's music. Sounds terrible, but it's really fun. Total Club Diezel, club-rubber-back-in-the-day-crowd. Gorgeous girls, but a whole lot of attitude. You gotta' wear your thickest skin and work the numbers game if you're trying to hook it up. Seriously. Be ready to deal with rejection or don't go. Nobody likes the angry bitter guy...and you're gonna' get rejected over and over. That's the way it is when you play the numbers game. A lot of people are opting for this instead of having to get to Ranchito at flippin' 7:00 o'clock! Beet gets it, Ranch gets it. This is actually a great symbiotic relationship. (Sorry for the big word dingbats) The beet pulls away just enough people that you can now wait out the 8-10pm rush on the ranch and roll up around 11:00 and not be in line all night. Cassidys! Cassidys is doing a great job picking up the overflow from the other 2 places (It's walking distance from both). No cover, no attitude, no bullshit. Also no dancing.... unless you want a beat-down. Update 02.28.2006 And the STAG bar which other nights is just a horrendous dive with almost no women, manages to pull in girls on a Tuesday. It's totally overflow from Blue Beet (literally 50 feet away) but whatever, it works.... same effect on a Thursday with Sharkeez leftovers.

Wednesday:
Stay home. Seriously give your liver a break. Monday and Wednesday that's all he's asking for. Give the poor fella' 2 days off!

But if for some reason you missed Taco Tuesday and you're just jonsing to go out.... Update 02.13.2007 - Woodys Wharf in Newport has a great Wednesday night right now. Good hip-hop, cute girls and reasonable drinks. And one of the few bars in town that gets a crowd on Wednesdays. La Cave in Costa Mesa manages to pack em' in on Wednesday. A true underground Jazz bar. No, literally, it's underground. It's in the basement of Blockbuster. Which is really weird, cause I don't think I've ever even seen a basement in Southern California. But WTF, blockbuster has one and La Cave is in it. Live Jazz music, pricey, STIFF drinks, and just a weird, swanky atmosphere. Good looking crowd. Kind of a Hollywood feel to it. Kind of an East Coast city feel to it. You could walk upstairs, roll out the front door and easily be in Boston and not be surprised.... although I've never seen girls that hot in Boston. Update 02.13.2007 I zipped on in to La Cave on a Wednesday and it still had a crowd. Everybody was coupled-up or grouped-up at tables. Not really a good place to meet new people. I'll strike up a conversation with the group I'm standing next to, but I'm not crashing someone's table. Know what I'm saying? I also hear there are some bars in downtown Fullerton that get a decent Wednesday crowd, but I rarely make it that far inland because my gills start to close up.

Rockin Taco is out there. It's a drunken-brew-ha-ha, singing, dancing on the tables, shit-faced good time. 2 guys play dueling pianos and everybody gets wasted and sings along. They take requests from the audience which as you can imagine, can be both a good and bad thing. "Is he playing Def Leppard on a piano? Yup." I'm not kidding. Some hot girls and a whole lot of girls who need to lay off the carbs. Hey, I just call 'em like I see 'em.

The Continental in Fullerton is a swanky little place. Big cushy crushed red velvet couches, low lighting, live music. Good place to grab a secluded table and make out with your date.... or a stranger. I'd be careful picking up on somebody in here, because it's so dark. Who knows WHAT you're really getting into.

Thursday:
Sheesh, where do I begin. This is the first day of the weekend for crying out loud! Sharkeez in Newport Beach. Good hip-hop, big cheap beers, and sometimes super-hot girls. It's hit or miss though. Usually more often than not it'll be good, but I have been there on "guys night." I used to go to Sharkeez all the time. But I'll tell you the problem with it. The music in there is so Effen loud you can't talk to anyone. It's hard to be cool when I'm leaning in and YELLING IN A CHICK'S EAR. Sunday day and off nights, fine, but Thursday and weekend nights bring your megaphone. When you're done there, roll right around the corner to Cassidys.

They pick up all the overflow. Always crowded on Thursdays.Update 02.13.2006 - Thursday's at Shark club are now GAY night. So if your friends want to go you could say to them "Dude, that place is soooo gay." And you'd be totally right. I wish I was gay. Those guys get more ass than anybody. Cuz instead of a guy going "Come on, come on!" And a girl going, "But I just met you, we really shouldn't!" You've got a guy going "Come on, come on!" And another guy going "Ok." It's too easy. One more bad relationship and I'm switching teams. That's it.

Pierce-street Annex in Costa Mesa- Decent hip-hop, ridiculously small dance floor, good amount of women. I can't really figure out the appeal to this place, but people still go there.. Update 07.26.2005 - They are charging $10 to get in on weekends now, which I was at first skeptical about but it's actually a good thing - weeds out a lot of the guys that are too cheap to fork over $10 whole American dollars to get in. WHOA! They fixed the dance floor, moved the entire DJ booth, got rid of the "stage" or as most of us knew it, that-thing-my-drunk-ass-just-fahhhhkin'-tripped-over-and-nearly-broke-my-ankle-on. What a HUGE improvement. Much better set up with the dance floor now. Still gets a crowd, but you can actually move in there now. I like it. Pierce Street has some hot girls and some hideous middle-aged divorced women trying to get laid. (Great fun hooking-up your really drunk friends with them!)

Glam out in Fullerton. Good hip-hop, smokin' hot girls (I feel like I've said that quite a few times..... gotta' love OC!) Lots of trashy looking 18 year olds running around. I kinda' feel like a dirty old man in there - but in a good way. The girls are way more interested in posing for the Glam photographers then they are in actually hooking up or even talking with anybody. I didn't see a lot of mackin' on the dance floor like you would expect at a place like this. It's more just for show than anything else. But it's a damn good show! Check out any of their contest nights - wet T-shirt, bucking for boobs. The girls get crazy. That's right, "Bucking for Boobs." They drag a mechanical bull in there and the flat-chested girl who rides the thing the best wins what? What else but, a brand new set of tits! I'm not kidding. The winner gets a boob-job. Only in Orange freakin' County.

If you were thinking about going over to The Boogie, think again. Sadly they have lost their liquor license for as far as I can tell, committing the cardinal sin of having too much fun too close to Disney. Seriously there was an article in the paper about how many citations they've received for things like "women exposing their breasts and/or buttocks" What? For real? In 2006. Ok. Who exactly is the asshole that writes that ticket? He or she should be beaten unmercifully. Anyway, Boogie is officially closed now. RIP. Thank you Anaheim...

Friday:
Update 09.2006 - New places: Scorpion lounge in HB es no mas. It's called AKA now. What did I tell you guys about that place huh? Plan on it changing to something else AT LEAST once a year. Freakin' crazy. I went once and it was pretty fun. Cute chicks, good DJ - REALLY good - expensive drinks, over-zealous velvet-rope that would have really pissed me off if we weren't on somebody's list. There's also 2 new Cantina's in town.

Chronic Cantina opened up in Triangle square right next to Sutra. It's kind of like Sharkeez but in Costa Mesa. Big sports bar, baja mexico kind of theme. 02.13.2006 - Chronic Cantina has become my new favorite spot. It totally grew on me like Coffee, or Miller Lite, or Kelly Clarkson. It's got a couple things going for it. They charge dudes $10 dollah and girls $0 dollah. "Whatthefuck mang! That's not fair!" You're right, it's totally not fair. But the end result is there are enough girls to go around. "Hmmmmm, I may have to re-think my outrage." No, stay mad, don't pay $10 and don't come. More girls for me. Secondly, BIG honking smoking patio. I don't smoke no mo', but it's nice to be able to get outside, hear yourself think and talk and cool off. Third - dark, crowded dance floor. "Whaaaa? How is that a good thing?" Well If you're a drunk schmuck trolling the dancefloor for ass it's not. ...By the way girls don't like being approached FROM BEHIND and having their leg humped. You wouldn't do that to a wild animal would you? Don't do it to some girl you don't know. They're far more dangerous. And if you're trying to do your best John Travolta impression and require 10 square feet of space to do so, a dark, crowded dance floor is not good. But if you meet someone out on say.... oh I don't know, the smoking patio, well you and your new friend can completely MOLEST each other on the dance floor and no one will ever notice because it's so dark and crowded. What? Like I'm the only one that's ever done that. At least I do it where it's dark. ;-) Cuz nobody on the patio wants to see that shit! I'm just sayin.

The other Cantina in town is Kantina - with a K, in Newport. This opened up right next to Woodys where the old Hooters used to be. I have not been inside based purely on friend's field reports. The vibe I'm getting is that it's just like Sutra. Big line. Big attitude. Get on the list or don't go. Really hot chicks with their shovels out looking for gold. Apparently they have a $12 margarita in there. If that kind of exclusivity is your scene, drive your SL55 over there and go knock yourself out. I'll be next door at Woody's or Cassidys. I would probably go check it out if it weren't right next door to two other places I KNOW I can have a good time at.

Update 1.08.2007 Fridays at Detroit bar in Costa Mesa are still fun. Good funky vibe. Atmosphere is what this place is all about. The inside looks like a cross between an airplane cabin and an old navy commercial, without all the bright lights. I don't really know what you call the music, 'cause I'm just not cool enough.... Trip-hop? Drum-n-bass? Kind of just a flowy, fast, loungy mix all night. People are dancing to it like mad and they look like they are having a GREAT time. I personlly can't get my legs into it. My head is all about it but my legs won't cooperate. I need some hip-hop. "Cuz Gangsta's don't dance they boogie." Word.

Then there is Fred's in Huntington Beach. Main street, upstairs bar with a big ass patio. Good rock music and a couple of pool tables. This is just a stand-around-and-drink kind of a place. Which is just fine because there's plenty of smokin' hot girls to look at while you stand-around-and-drink. Really. This

place gets a whole lot of fake boobies for just being a bar with no real dance floor. A lot of the girls are accompanied by their "UFC" boyfriends though so be careful. This place is VERY Huntington Beach. If you're used to hanging out in the Newport Beach pretty-boy scene, ya' might want to throw on a trucker cap and not shave for a few days so you don't get your ass kicked. Last time I was there I think they were putting in an Octagon... But as long as you don't talk to the wrong guy's girlfriend you should have a good time. Hurricanes in H.B. It's got a really small dance floor, but the DJ plays good hip-hop, and it consistently gets cute girls. Never a "holy shit look at this place!" night, but never a really bad night either. Canes is kinda' like old faithful. It develops a line VERY quickly on the weekends so I would advise getting there or anywhere on main street before 10:00 p.m. 301 Beachfront about 3 blocks up on Main street, is pretty fun. If you're gonna' go in the summer get your ass there early, cause it gets a nice line that will sober you up if you're not careful. It'll definitely make you have to pee. I feel like a freakin' chick when that happens. "But I gotta' Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Two new Cantinas, Cassidys, Sharkeez, Detroit, Woodys, Sutra, Vegas, anything on Main Street, HB, anything in downtown Fullerton, anything on the Peninsula, anything in Costa Mesa near triangle square... Go get some!

Saturday:
Again, it's the weekend. Anything will be good. Update 02.13.2006: Shark Club has a new Saturday night going on called "The Scene". I went last Saturday because I am a scene-ster and it wasn't bad at all. Good hip-hop in the big room. Crappy house in the little room. Nice, big outdoor smoking patio. Recockulously hot go-go girls. My female friend asks me "What do you think of that girl's body?" (about one of the go-gos.) I told her I'd probably be willing to lick the worst part of it..... if she was lucky enough to get me in that situation of course. Not ugly, that's all I'm saying. ....I know, I know. You're all trying to figure out what the "worst part" is. But I don't lick and tell. ;-)

Diezel is great on Saturdays when it's on but it's monthly so you gotta' catch it...... which seems simple enough, but I missed the first SIX MONTHS of Club Diezel, going "Oh shit was that last weekend!?" Update 07.06.2005 - Diezel is back at the grove, monthly. Update 10.28.2005 - No wait it's gone. I can't keep up with this monthly-club-but-not-every-month type of schedule.

Sunday:
Sunday-Funday! Get on your bike and ride baby ride!!!! Sunday was made for riding your beach cruiser down the bike path to Mutt Lynchs (after church of course) and having a big-fat 32 oz Schooner of beer. And if it's too crowded for you in there, or there are too many guys - sadly this is often the case - you can always ride or walk 200 yards around the corner to Sharkeez. Both have good food. Mutts has got excellent wings. HUGE too. A dozen will fill 2 people. They're reeeeeeeeeeeeeally big.

I'd hate to see the chickens these things came off. Mutts and Sharkeez are both sit-down-in-the-sun-and-drink kinda' places. Update 11.01.2006 - Rudys is newly remodeled and gets a good crowd on weekends now. Due largely in part to it's RETRACTABLE ROOF! Whaaaaa? Where am I the superdome? As Peter Griffin would say It's "fricken sweet." It's not the same Rudys at ALL. It looks much more like a starbucks with flatscreens on the inside now than a sports bar. But it's cool. I like it.Update 01.09.2006 If you're really up for a big bike ride, or just drunk and working out your "beer muscles" you can keep going right past the Newport Pier all the way down to the Balboa Pier and pull in to Cabo Cantina (used to be Studio Cafe). They have a band that does cover songs and everybody gets way, way, way into it. This is a decidedly older crowd though, lots of people in their 30s and older. It's fun, but don't expect to find yourself a cute 22 year old in here. You may however get attacked by a Cougar. One can only hope. If none of that floats your boat, pedal on over to Cassidys. They usually get the after crowd from Mutts / Sharkeez. Cassidys Sunday has a very reliable crowd pattern. Right around 5 or 6pm they get people leaving Mutts and Sharkeez. Around 8 the sensible people who realize they have to work in the morning leave and there's a big lull until about 10:00pm. At 10:00 it picks right back up again. So don't get there at 8:00, that's what I'm saying. On several occasions I have ridden this lull out. I must encourage you to use caution if you go this route. You may very well find yourself entirely too intoxicated at 10:00pm to have any sort of game whatsoever... right when the hot chicks start pouring in. ....good one dipshit. Downtown HB also has a very fun Sunday-Funday. You've got Sharkeez, longboards, Hurricanes, Kilarny's, Gallaghers, Crabby's, Aloha Grill, Shore house, 301 beachfront, Dukes and Chimayo all within crawling distance of each other. Fahhhhkin A! Be careful! You start at 10AM like SOME people do (aHem, you know who you are!) And you could be very, very drunk by.......................... oh I don't know 2 o'clock. WATER people! That's all I'm saying. Mix it up. Beer/water/beer/water/beer/water... Et Cetra bicthes.

Updated 05.06.2005 Holy Crap, Club Vegas in Costa Mesa finally got it's act together. Went there last Friday. We had fliers that let 2 people in fo' free b4 10:00 and even though we rolled up around 10:06 they still honored the fliers. So that was cool. A lot of places would be total a-holes about that and tell you it's 10:00 at 9:52. The cover woulda' been 20 bones without it so that helped. Somehow Vegas sk-Whored DJ Beej (of club rubber fame among others) on Friday nights. If you're into the whole house music thing he was killing it in that room. I stopped doing E many moons ago, so it wasn't doing a whole lot for me. The main room started out really weird. For a little while it felt like a high-school dance. AC/DC "she shook me allllllllllllllllllllllllllllll night long" was blaring. If Mony fahhking mony came on I woulda' been so outta' there. But thankfully that didn't happen and the high school music died out as quickly as it started and was replaced by some excellent hip-hop. Don't know who the DJ was but he had a killer mix of Nine inch nails "Closer" and Fitty Cent "Up in Da' Club." It worked. Drinks at Vegas are still out-freakin-rageous. 2 shots of tequila and 2 beers - $32 bones. WTF, where am I Manhattan? 2 of us tore through $100 in a little over an hour................ Hmmm, maybe that's why they called the place Vegas.... Unlike when they first opened they finally have enough bartenders in there now. We never had to wait for a drink. Those of you who went there in the beginning know what I'm talking about.... More than enough cute girls to go around and one of them was even showing her new boobies to everyone. Although I kept missing it with the camera by about 1/2 second. Doh! I still can't stand the obnoxious VIP section that sucks up about 1/2 the freakin' place, but whatever, minor gripe. So that's the scoop on Vegas. Cute girls, great hip-hop, just be sure to pre-drink, print out the get-outta-jail-free flier and bring plenty of cash for the pricey drinks.